No Me Gusta

As some of you may know, I am taking a course in Spanish which, because of the set up and how difficult they make it to answer the questions, I despise. But, I need the course for my big picture of becoming a Social Worker. I have been registered in this course for about 9 months now.. and when did I start *actually* doing it? About a month ago... Yup.. Supposedly it is an entire years worth of course work and I am trying to finish it in a matter of weeks. Awesome. I still have about 1/4 to finish and only about 6 days... so lets say about 40 hours of work to finish in that time. Not too shabby. Hope and pray for the best as I will be sitting in my house on the computer doing Spanish.

In other news, I chose all my courses for the fall the other day and ended up with a pretty awesome course load which I am quite happy about - 1 French course, 2 Spanish (in a format I don't hate!), 1 Theater, 2 English, 3 Social Work, and 1 Cultural Studies. I am sure it will be hard, but it is all things I am interested in, so it will be fun. I am confident my heart will ache for my G-babies through out the year when I can't go visit, but I am really doing it for them. I am bettering myself so I can better help them.

Waiting for Prince Charming

I haven't been very good at keeping up with my blogging since I got home, I guess it is partly due to the lack of exciting pictures and events to share. These last few weeks I have been staying at my grandma's house and taking care of her since my Mom who usually does it off on a whirlwind European adventure (can you say lucky!) It has been a completely new experience for me and it is kinda crazy, I have never really had to look after anyone full time before and manage their schedule and answer the same question 30 times... It has really given me a taste of what parenting will be like.

 I, as always, am planning another trip to Guatemala. This time for 2 1/2 weeks in August finance willing. I hear back from Olivia tonight to see what we can do to bring the cost down. I also found some cheap flights (Yay!!) Prepping for University next year now and I am going in and talking to so many people about timetables and courses that I need to fulfill the requirements for my Social Work degree (for those of you who don't know, I am getting my Bachelors in Social Work with a specialization in Child Protection and a minor in Latin American studies) all prepped up to work, live and breath Guatemala. All I have to do now is find a man who is willing to do the same! I trust in God that he has a perfect man for me out there and I just have to follow his will and wait.

Talking about husbands, I am a single woman now, which I suppose is good for me. I haven't been truly single in a really long time. I hope to thrive on it and accomplish what I need to before I settle down and marry. (Me settle down? yeah right!) I recently read a book - Waiting for Prince Charming - that really changed my views and helped me a lot with my new found singledom. The book is targeted at pre-teen ladies but I would recommend it to anyone who is between 11-25 and still waiting for that perfect man.

We all know how hard it is to wait for something that we really want. But the longer you wait, the sweeter it will be!

Home Sweet Guate

I am going through crazy Guatemala withdrawals today. I got to skype with Olivia in Guate today and that just  made me miss it so much more. It was so nice to hear her voice again though! I have been so busy the last couple weeks that I haven't been able to talk to her really.

The other day I was walking through the mall and I saw this little girl who was probably 3 years old with a HUGE bow on top of her head talking to her mama in Spanish, it just about made my heart jump out of my body. I wanted to scoop her up and take her home. She reminded me of all my babies in Guate.

The boys that I nanny for are crazy and so busy that they keep me on my feet all day and usually I am dead tired when I get home but I enjoy it, and it is helping me save to get back to where my heart is. I am planning on heading to UBCO in Sept. for my Social Work degree and I hope that goes by fast. I am sure I will enjoy it though.

I'm Back

I have been away from this blog for quite awhile! If you want to catch up on what I have been up to check out my travel blog at: http://twisteroffate.blogspot.ca/
Now that I am back at home it is time to get back into the swing of things... school, work, rehearsals, pets, family, responsibilities, blah blah blah. Who doesn't enjoy a good long vacation? And who doesn't wish they were still there when they back to all this stuff they need to do! I sure do.

My grandma moved in with my mom a little while ago and is adjusting well, but now my mom has decided to up and run off to Europe for a month mid May, leaving me in charge of my Grandma who is ailing and needs a lot of help and reassurance. So with throwing another full time job on top of everything makes it just crazy..I will need all the help and patience I can get.

Wednesday is the opening for my theater production, "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", so things have been crazy with that, A few long long nights of rehearsal coming up.
Also, tomorrow I am going to meet up with a great old friend I had when I was a kid, we both have changed a lot but I am looking forward to seeing her and spending some time getting to know each other again!

So, that's all for now, but I will be on this blog much more often now, so stay tuned!

One Who I Can Count On

Your best friends are there for you through anything, they lift you higher when you feel like falling, they hold your hand through rough times, they whisper into your ear that "you can do it" when you feel like turning back. True  friends are the ones you can trust, and who can trust you. 

You never really find out who your true friends are until something crazy happens and you really need them... I have recently encountered an issue in which you really find out who is there for you though everything. There have been some people who have amazed me in how easy they turned their back, and others that have really stuck it out with me, answering calls at one am just because I needed to talk. Yet it seems like the ones who turn their backs are the ones your heart aches for the most when they are not around. Why is that?

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said that "A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud." That really made me think, can I be completely sincere to every one of my friends and know that they will still love me and not judge? And if not, are they worth keeping? Are the friends I have ones that trust me unconditionally and are they people I can trust no matter what?

"As we grow up we don't lose friends. We just learn who our real ones are."

Two friends in particular comes to mind as a write this, one who I can count on... And one, who I find I no longer can. Finding out I can no longer confide and trust the second friend has hurt so much more than ever expected. More than loosing any boyfriend or material object I have ever had. This person was someone I shared everything with and felt so at peace when they were around, but maybe as the quote states, they were never really a real friend, and I just found that out. 

The Hunt

There are two things to aim at in life; first to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind has achieved the second.
- Logan Pearsall Smith

It's so funny to me that some people work and work and work for something they really want only to decide after they get it that it wasn't what they wanted after all or maybe they start working towards something else they want and never have time to enjoy the first thing. But I suppose that is human nature right? To try to get everything you want in life. At what cost does that come though? 

I have been told time and time again that men prefer the chase to having the thing/person. We were all naturally bread to hunt and track down the things we need and want, so in our society now a days where we can look up a number and call to get almost anything we may desire, the hunt has been taken out of life. Any chance we have to regain that natural calling we take.

For example, when dating, the two people will do almost anything to please the other and chase them down until they agree to be with them. After that fact though when they have the agreement and the commitment, it seems way less fun. There is no more spontaneity or fun work in the relationship. This plateau is where most relationships end, when one or both parties get bored of the simple commitment. Thus, making it hard to maintain a long term relationship. 

So what can we do? How do we avoid this plateau effect on our relationships? To me the answer is this -  Never stop trying to work for your partner. However long you happen to have been in a relationship with someone, don't take it as a guarantee that person is "yours". You still need to work to keep them and yourself interested and intrigued, still chase them and take them out. Treat them as though you are still trying to win their affection and heart. I have been using the word "work" often here I realize and some of you may be cringing at that thinking "a relationship is suppose to be fun! Not work!" I am not saying work as in dig a crazy trench around their house and fill it with alligators to protect them, work as in go out of your way to do little things you know they appreciate, or just spend time with them when it's not expected... or even just send them a little text letting them know you are thinking about them. 

So - work, chase, and be married (see what I did there)  

Another Place

Hey y'all, I am going to be posting more often in my other blog http://twisteroffate.blogspot.com as the trip approaches, so if your looking to read more about my feelings and excitement about my leaving for Guatemala you will find it there =)
I will probably still post occasionally here but the majority of my posts for the next 3 months will be there.

It's Getting Closer!

That day I have been waiting for since August 6th is getting closer! I have ever felt so passionate about anything in my life. Ever since that day 4 years ago when I walked into the city on my first trip to Guatemala I knew this is where I was called to be. The country overwhelmed me, the people, the sights, the smells, the sounds... all so out of the ordinary for us here in North America  but I strangely felt so at home. At peace with myself. I remember the first thing I said when I got off of our bus and stepped into the center and saw the kids, I looked at my mom and asked "When are we coming back?" Those kids have touched my heart in a way I never thought possible. They come from so many different backgrounds and yet they are so the same, as are we. We walk into their halls thinking we are going to make such a difference... Sure we may paint the building or cook up some food, but the kids touch you and forever leave a hand print on your soul.

I cannot wait to get my little Sandra in my arms again.. I know she has been waiting for me. I hear from my best friend there that every time she goes to see the kids Sandra asks her "when will miss Ella come back?" But what she doesn't know what everyday I ask the same question... "when will I get to go back?!" I have gotten the pleasure of watching Sandra grow up from a lovely little 2 year old to a gorgeous, smart 6 year old. What I would give to be able to see her everyday and tell her in person that I love her and wish the best for her.

29 days until I will be on that airplane on my way to that precious country, 29 days until I get to be with the people I really love, 29 days until I see the sight and smell the smells, 29 days till I will truly feel at home.

                                                                     Sandra age 2

                                                                     Sandra age 3 1/2

                                                      Sandra age 4 1/2 (little girl to far right)

                                                                    Sandra age 5

Sandra age 6

Happiness Equals Reality Divided by Expectations

Sometimes it's really hard for me to know what to do, and if I'm making the right decisions. Some nights I'll wake up and wonder if I have chosen the right job, the right pet, the right home. If I have made the right decisions and if I will continue to make the right ones. People tend to have a mis-conception of me ( I suppose because I let them) that I know what i'm doing and where i'm going in life. But in reality, I am just as lost as any one of my counter parts. 

What has really got me thinking about this is a discussion I had recently with a friend. He asked me if I was happy. Simple question right? But with a very long winded, complex answer. Sure, I am happy some of the time. Is that how we are meant to live though? Going day by day un-happy waiting for a glimpse of that happiness you see in your life? And if not, how do you go about fixing that pattern?

I read a book a little while back titled "19 Minutes" by Jodi Picoult (which I very much recommend to anyone by the way) One of the characters is a professor who's main accomplishment is developing a formula for happiness - that happiness equals reality divided by expectations - which means that if your expectations are way higher than your reality you will never be happy. For me I have such high expectations of my life and where it's going I can't help but wonder if that is really the problem. That my reality just can't live up to my expectations. If so, do I really want to change that? Should I lower my expectations possibly resulting in living a mediocre life or should I be driving myself harder to produce a reality that puts all my expectations to shame? And if I choose the latter, am I not setting myself up to fail? Can you really have a reality the exceeds anything you could dream of?

What do you think?

Big News

Well I have been praying and praying, hoping and wishing about going back to Guatemala. I love the country so much and the friends I have made there are so precious to me. I have been wanting go down in Feb. but worrying about the money and only getting to be there for a week.
Today I got an invitation, to come down in March for another 6 week internship. I am really ecstatic about getting to go down and see my friends and kids again. Just look at their sweet faces -

Best Friends for Life

This Thanksgiving I decided to go. I decided to go down to Florida to be with the friends I made while in Guatemala this summer. It was a wonderful time! We had so much fun just being together again. We went to Disney which was The best experience ever! I have never been before and it amazed me! -

We also got to go to a Gators football game :)

One of the best parts though was getting to meet up with some of the people we made relationships with over the summer in Guatemala and getting to meet some new friends and Amber's family